Sooner than I am ready for

empty swingsToday I took my 6-year-old son to the park dressed like a Power Ranger. I suspect, this is the last time I will get to say that.

Today came sooner than I am ready for.

When we arrived at the park, several of the neighborhood boys were already there playing. Nicky, my son, said nothing, but his face said more than I was ready to hear. His private thoughts betrayed him as his cheeks flushed red-hot:

Why did I insist on wearing this costume?

What if they make fun of me?

Will they like me?

Will they accept me?

I admit, some of those questions might be projections of my heart, and worry for a son I can’t always shield. But that moment revealed a vulnerable side to my normally secure and wild-hearted little boy. Not surprisingly, after only a few minutes, the Power Ranger costume was off and in my hands. He played it cool, assuring me that it was the heat that demanded the wardrobe change and nothing more. But as he laid the costume on my lap and ran off to throw the football with his new friends, I couldn’t help but think,

“Lord, today came sooner than I am ready for”.

I wasn’t ready… I AM NOT READY to watch my son grow up right before my eyes. But today, I would have to learn to trust God with my oldest child because ready or not, he was growing up. I could actually imagine a day when my son would want to go to the park without me (shocking, I know). And it brought tears to my eyes to think of a day when I wouldn’t be his best friend, his confidant, or his playmate anymore. Oh I know I will always be his mother, and hopefully his most trusted advisor. And when he is grown, God willing, we will share a friendship that adults share with their grown kids. But these days, just as they are now, are numbered.

I wondered if I had poured enough of myself and of the Lord into his impressionable mind. Or even if having done my part would be enough to protect him and guide his decisions and choices. I wondered, just for a moment, if I could snatch him up, run home, change him into his footy pajamas and freeze time. I decided that might cause a scene.

I wondered if I could ever be ready.

Isn’t that just like life? One moment you are walking to the park in March with a 6-year-old blue Power Ranger, and the next moment you face the reality that nothing is in your control! And you’ve got to wonder, “Who is calling the shots here?” Honestly, if in those moments escaping reality were a practical, life-giving, option, the majority of us would run like mad! But neither you nor I can opt out of moments like these. Some lessons can only be learned by living them.

Maybe for you, it wasn’t your child growing up before your eyes that came sooner than you were ready for. Maybe it was something else. Bad news from a doctor, a death in the family, a relationship that seemed beyond repair, a job cut that stripped you of your financial security. Life is full of moments like these. Moments that demand our attention and remind us how our insufficient and feeble grasps on the world around us are just that: feeble and insufficient. These are the moments that will bring us to our knees saying:

“Lord, today came sooner than I am ready for.”

And it’s in these moments when God whispers in our ear:

“I know, but I am always ready.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I choose to trust the Lord in these moments. I rest, sometimes uneasily, but always assured, knowing that God is always in control. He is working today his plan for tomorrow! So what that means for you and me is this:

We can trust God for our today and believe Him for our tomorrow! His work is good and He has been busy!

Praying for you this week, that Christ would be more and more at home in your hearts, living inside you as you trust in Him! (Eph 3:17)

Please leave a comment, I love to hear from you! What are some moments in your life that came sooner than you were ready for?

10 thoughts on “Sooner than I am ready for

  1. Wow, this hit so close to home for me. Thank you for sharing your day, your thoughts, your fears, and your trust in God in it all. This was an encouragement to me to pour a little more Jesus into my children everyday. Right now, i am their Mama, their world, but that will all change faster than we know. Yes, i will always be their Mama and i pray their friend, bit their world will get much bigger. It is my job to make sure they are fully armored with faith and covered in prayers of righteousness before they begin that next chapter of their lives in this world. Thank you for this beautiful reminder to cherish these days.

    • Amen Annie! I loved that you said their world will get so much bigger. So true. Funny how there are days we so can’t wait for the grabby little hold me arms to give it a rest and then here I am all worked up when they finally do! Love you girl. Have a blessed day!

  2. As a mother of a 8 year old young lady and 12 month old boy I related so much to this. As a Christian woman torn between needing control for safety and trusting in God’s plan (the 2nd being correct of course but easier said than done) I wanted to thank you for sharing. This was beautiful and I appreciate the scripture reference.

    God Bless you…and your precious Power Ranger!

    • Cristiana, I suspect this is the tension of every mother, feeling like its our job to control things and then realizing the jobs too big and crying out to The Lord! God bless your sweet family.

  3. Lord, today came sooner than I am ready for, hit home for me again as it has for so many things. My “baby” girl is now 40 years old and just had her first child a month ago. I remember when she finished high school and went off on her own. I was not ready for it. She was the last of six children; she emptied the nest. And now she has little Stella, who will be the last of my grandbabies. Yes, she is the 9th and youngest grandchild of a wonderful group of children ranging up to early 20’s. I have enjoyed each one of them to the fullest. I’m thankful that there are still two babies and a toddler for me to cuddle.

    This past year also brought something else that came “sooner than I was ready for.” I reached my 70th year of life. Wow! That was an odd feeling; to realize I’m not still the young person
    I’ve always been “in my head.” I’m thankful that the Lord has seen fit to give me these many years and I’m realizing that I need to make the most of them for now I can REALLY see that my days are truly numbered. I pray that I can live them for His glory!

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Even though we are at opposite ends of life, you always give me something to think about.

  4. Oh how I needed to read this! My five year old is getting more and more independent by the second and my three year old wants to be even more independent than his brother. It’s bittersweet,but cherishing the times with them and trusting God has a plan is the only way to go! Honestly, I will freak out sometimes thinking, “I am going to forget so much! I already forgot that cute thing he said just last week!” But, then I remember God doesn’t forget and He is the very one that has the hairs on our head numbered and our tears in a bottle, so I can relax. 🙂 Thanks for this blog! It’s very encouraging 🙂

  5. This touched my heart even tho its about Children and I do not have any children. Made me ponder just how AWESOME God is to have gotten me thru all the loss in my life. Losing my Mother the year I graduated HS – that day came sooner than I was ready for. Having my father die from a heart attack a year and a half later… that day came WAY sooner than I was ready for. Having my brother Michael take his own life in 2004 – Lord WHY?? I was stll not ready.. Thanking and praising God that HE knew about all of this. Gods love carried me though the hearache to a place of HOPE in HIM ALONE. Jesus has always known the plan for my life and I wouldnt have it any other way. Thank you for sharing you heart – hugs to you and your precious son. Will keep you in my prayers.

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