I was sitting in a coffee shop yesterday when I overheard a woman across from me say very matter-of-factly, “I just don’t get along well with other women. I never have. I’ve always gotten along better with men”.
Hands raised if you are a woman who has ever heard that comment before.
Okay, hands down.
I hear that comment all the time and my reply is usually something like:
“Wha??” Followed by a head nod. Nodding my head when I am completely baffled, seems to put people at ease and make them think I can totally relate.
Confession: I cannot.
Here is why:
- I am a woman. I don’t often find myself in conversations with people who I do not get along with. So when another woman tells me they don’t get along with women, the statement leaves me confused and unsure of the status of our relationship. I want to lower my voice a bit and whisper, “we’re cool right?”
- She is a woman. I don’t know if it’s a weird byproduct of a patriarchal society, but I’m pretty sure, in every other context, blanket statements that imply disapproval of an entire people group are called discrimination. It’s 2014 ya’ll, that is not cool. Even if you are a member of that group. I am sad that women have been so well branded that even other women don’t want to associate with them. Ya’ll, each woman is unique and different! God hasn’t typecast or branded women into a single group and neither should we.
- God is a woman. Oh relax. I know God is neither male nor female. But He does encompass all the wonderful characteristics that make men men and women women. In fact, He made both men AND women in His image.
“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27
I whole-heartedly agree with that woman in the coffee shop and other well-meaning friends that say women are difficult to get along with. But I won’t stop there. Men are difficult to get along with… and don’t even get me started on children.
People in general, God bless them; are sometimes very difficult to get along with.
Women have a unique and beautiful opportunity to change the world by how we minister to each other. No one says, “I don’t get along with women because they are too kind and encouraging” and yet, that is exactly the kind of woman YOU and I have the opportunity to be.
As women, we can be teachers of good things. Things like self-control, love, kindness, purity, respect (Titus 2:3-5). Ladies we cheat ourselves of this amazing opportunity when fail to “strive to keep a spirit of unity and a bond of peace” Ephesians 4:3 (to get along) with all of God’s children.
Radical love is not easy but it’s worth it. Take a chance on someone this week, you just might make a friend for life.
Are you a woman who doesn’t get along with other women? I’d love to hear your thoughts and reactions. I value you and your contribution. Look forward to hearing from you.
This is a great post, mainly because it strikes such a cord with me. I used to BE that woman! I disliked women and hung out with mostly men because they “seemed” easier to handle. Really, I was in rebellion at that time in my relationship with God and in coming back into a relationship with Him, He gave me such a heart for women and planted me right in the middle of women’s ministry. None of us are “easy” to be friends with, because we’re sinners who get in our flesh. I remember when God first called me to the women’s ministry, I went, “wait, what?!” and kept thinking there was no way that was going to turn out well. Now, there is nothing more that I love than spending time with women, worshiping, learning, growing together. It’s such a sweet thing. Thanks for this, it reminds me how far God has brought me.
Love me some raw and authentic perspective. Thanks for that Misty! Xoxo
Amen. We are all hard to get along with! We are all passionate about one thing or another, and that really can grate on someone else. Can’t we just all get along? But God!
Amen Gerri. But God indeed!
I’ve always had a good mix of both women and men. However some of my best friends have been men. Being a girl who grew up with her dad. I’ve had falling outs with both men and women. However it’s always been easier to discuss the issue at hand with a guy, they don’t sugar coat things as much! However I must say I’ve been thoroughly blessed by both men and women and their Godly friendships!
Me too Chelsea. Although I will say, I’ve had some girlfriends that are very direct also! Xoxo
I so appreciate my women friends, some I have had for 30+ years. They are a source of great encouragement & friendship to me. At times I meet women who I may have a hard dealing with (especially in the workplace) but, at these times I PRAY for not only them by ME, as I want to be a loving example of how Jesus LOVES. This article is great and I will pass it along.
Thanks Almee. What a great reminder to pray for our hearts also!
Well…just off the top of my head…I always go around saying that I get along with everyone. But I do hear others say that thing. A couple of theories might be: so many women are just exhausted from work AND career, maybe they tend to get cranky at work. Tired people can easily think others have a better life, get the martyr thing going on.
Also, I think that promiscuity in society plays a role. As women do not think that sexual intimacy is anything special (not everyone, but you get my drift), women who do not go that lifestyle route might be thinking the competition for men is on an unfair playing field. It would be interesting to see a society where women were united on having a higher standard they would all agree to comply with. Just a thought. I keep praying for us all, God is love!
Great points Suzie. And yes, prayers for us all.
That’s totally me!! I always tell everyone that I just can’t get along with women. I even told my best friend who is a girl (I can only get along well with her). I really hate gossiping and comparing and boy talk that most girls around us do. I’m still trying to accept the fact that I am a girl and I can be feminine. I just don’t want to become what I can’t stand. If you can’t get along with women then how do you get along with yourself? That’s where I struggle. We can learn to love our gender together ladies!